Poor "baby"...hims is sick. Awww. (No, really: Awww)

So...the ex-boyfriend/guy-I still-sleep-with who ''dumped' me a few weeks ago has been civil and relatively decent towards me for the past week and a half or so. We have actually chuckled over the phone at inside jokes, and we have (accidentally, on my part) recounted a fun memory or two, without any ugliness. He has been coming over now and then for some...one-on-one time, you could say, and I've been starting to feel kind of like maybe we should never have gone past just sleeping together in the first place. You know, we moved pretty fast into whatever that was that just ended -- relationship? mutual testing of emotional limits? -- and then living together, which I knew was a mistake even before we did it, all three times (I know, I know). The crap he pulled and the fact that I just sort of let everything slide...I guess I was just too tired to fight; it's been a long road, you know. I'm pretty damned tired. Especially of fighting. I feel sort of relieved that I'm not obligated to care about him or his feelings anymore, even though I do, and I'm not obligated to help him with things or even talk to him, even though I do, and I'm not obligated to sleep with him, even though I do. I can feel what I feel when I feel it. Like it's meant to be.

At least, I was relieved. Then, yesterday, he went home sick after work. He had been planning to come over for a bit, and couldn't, which is why he told me about his sickness.

I guess.

Anyway, I wished him well and went on with my day, texting him a few times throughout the evening to say I hoped he felt better, and so on. I woke up today and went on with my day again, thinking occasionally of him and wondering if he was okay, since I hadn't heard anything in response to any of the texts from yesterday evening. Finally, at what I figured would be either his coffee break or his lunch break, I texted asking him if he had died, or what.

His reply: "Died."

Oh, dear. Okay, but I stayed calm. Maybe it was a snarky "died". Maybe it was a cranky "died". Maybe it was NOT what my gut told me it was. A whiny "died".

Then he phoned, and asked if I would email his instructor to let him/her know he would not be in class today, because he was leaving work and going home sick. I said, I guessed I could do that, being that he was at work and I was at the computer, anyway. So I did. And damned if he didn't talk to me like I was the dumbest idiot EVER!

What the hell was THAT about?! 

So I sent the email and then quickly said "Done. You're welcome. Bye." and hung up. I followed with a text saying "Text or call me when you are either feeling better or can at least pretend to not be a dick". And I figured, okay...now he will sleep 'til tomorrow and then go to work and then text me or whatever either tomorrow or whenever.

And yay! he dumped me a few weeks ago, so he gets to be sick all on his own, without any of the girlfriend benefits. Serves him right.

Right?

Yeah, right.

So...I'm at home tonight, working, minding my own business when my cell phone rings. I check the display and...oh no.

...it's him...

I answer, cheerfully and obviously not sick (even though I kind of am). His first words to me?

"I'm sick. *cough* *sniffle* *sob*"

Okay, he didn't sob, but he may as well have.

If you're a woman or a man who has ever been in a relationship with a man or a manly sort of woman who has ever, even once, even for only a day, been sick, then you feel me. He's sooo sick, he can't mooove, he needs orange juuuuice and soooup and a baaaack rub. *tear*

I hear this coming out of his face and spilling out of my phone and into my ear, tainting my brains with its poison and I think, Really?! Cause, uh...didn't you just dump me and tell me you didn't want me in your life anymore? I'm pretty sure orange juice, chicken soup, and a back rub is considered 'in your life'. Well, maybe not the juice or the soup, but the back rub definitely qualifies.

I think that. And so, naturally, I say this:

"Well, if you can make your way over here, I'll take care of you. You know I will."

Yeah.

I KNOW.

I'm so disappointed in myself, I'm not even gonna finish this blog.